The traffic in Metro Manila has gone terribly bad these past few months. I know I don’t need scientific calculations or evidence to back that up since everyone has experienced the traffic’s ill-effects in one way or the other. In the morning, I need to get up at 5 am sharp to avoid getting late. When I beg my alarm clock for 5 more minutes, I would already be playing tango with the traffic. In the afternoon after office hours, I would spend a whopping three hours of travel from the office to our home in Bulacan. Did I mention I just work in Quezon City near Eton Centris? I couldn’t imagine the hell some people who work in Pasig or Makati area go through every single day of their working life. How I envy the other country’s public transport!
This now leaves me and my office mates in considering, actually, we are already pushing through of renting a condo unit near the office. Officemate A just won’t get healed from her persisting cough and so she needs a lot of rest while Officemate B also spends quite long hours in commute. I don’t know if they initially wanted me to join them since it was only by chance that I got to accompany them in surveying the condo unit. I also don’t know if living near the office is something I want. Nonetheless, I said yes to them and I am now freaking out.
I said yes without battling an eyelash though I made them see my apprehensions. (Ang gulo ko ba? Haha!) First, I don’t know if we could work out as housemates since we have different and dynamic personalities. Though I have told them directly that I can be extremely introvert at times, I still have lots of cards on my sleeves that they will only get to see once we live on the same roof. (This now sounds like I turn into a monster at night. Well, I can’t explain it further but I know some will get it.) I need quiet times a lot, I wanted to tell them. Also, please don’t laugh at me when I talk by myself at times.
Second, I remember the first time I lived outside of my home maybe five years ago. It was in Makati where I lived with my college friend and her sisters which is the best part. The hard part was the anxiety I experienced and the urge for me to go home every day. I remember I would always render over time at work just to stop myself from going home in Bulacan and I would also go in the comfort room to cry my heart out. I have many more reasons to freak out but maybe to sum them up, I’m just scared if I will survive emotionally and gastronomically.
I wanted to prolong the process of thinking over the choice I made through a list of pros and cons. But I know, it will also prolong the worry and the agony of thinking things over and over. To cut the process short, I just tell myself this: YOU ARE NOT GOING TO DIE FOR THIS.
Living out of my home and my comfort zone can make me experience a different kind of learning. It can make me see some portions of myself that I have never seen before. It can make me arrive at ideas I have never thought of.
I can try this today and if I don’t like it, I can always go home.