Today I look back to all the people I lost along the way– unconsciously and consciously, purposely and accidentally. Those friends I grew up with, the ones whom I worked hard to sustain but to no avail, the friends whom I did a lot of firsts with, the ones who made high school worth bearing, and the friends who taught me to love and serve the Lord with all my heart. The past years with them had been like a burning fire that slowly turned into ash. Now, I’ve only got the ambers of memories left-memories that I can always return to but not sure if can be relived again, in a different time or a different space.
I wonder how their lives are without me, I’m pretty sure it’s totally fine just how my life has been fine since they were gone. I wonder if this is all God’s plan that we part ways. I wonder if they miss our times together, if they secretly wish in their hearts to repeat the moments even for one time.
Then that bittersweet truth hits me, we cannot really choose, force or control how people will stay or get out of our lives. Everything on earth is fleeting, passing by. Even the wise says we cannot walk on the same river twice.
Why am I looking back at those days anyway?
I look back because I wanted to thank everyone who passed by my life – the friends who hurt me and made me stronger, the ones who never did anything but to made me laugh, the friends who accepted me for who I am regardless how my temper went for a certain day, the ones who pushed me and encouraged me and the ones who bullied me anyway but loved me.
I look back because I just feel today that every cell in my body is a contribution of the people whom I spent my life with yesterday and today.
Wherever they are right now, we are just under the same sky. I hope they feel my gratitude. I hope they are growing and learning and being tough enough in this difficult world. I hope they can hear me say right now, ‘love and kisses, guys.’