Ruminations in the rush

 

My final semester in my MBA revealed two sources of my life’s major frustrations – my desire to rush into things and my expectations.

This semester made me produce a capstone project, a research on a subject related to my field. It required me not just a huge chunk of my time but my attentiveness to the materials I read, instructions of my adviser and panel, and the deadline since we had to finish everything in eight weeks.

The capstone project is such a lot of work… and reading! I know I love reading, but not this kind. Haha! In fact, in that eight weeks, I finished reading two books that are in no way related to my project. That is how lazy I was on the project. Why don’t they just give me the degree?!

I could no longer remember the number of times I wanted to give up. I was ready to receive an ‘IP’ grade for this sem (in progress). I would just resign anyway, I said to myself. And I won’t be needing this degree for promotion anymore.

Yes, there was an agonizing period in that eight weeks where I wanted to give up my job altogether. It was further aggravated with how some people at work wouldn’t move a finger to do what they are supposed to do. Aaaargggh!!!

Then finally, I got a grip of myself again and realized that I was the one weighing down my own baggage. How silly of me to throw tantrums on this good life of mine.

From the circumstances I mentioned above and the experiences I refuse to mention due to lack of wisdom, I inferred that:

  1. I wanted only the degree and not the process, which is impossible.
  2. I was consumed by my expectations of others, which is a sure formula for total disaster.

It’s funny and annoying when I am rushing into one thing (graduate school) then the other areas of my life get in and join the haste. Suddenly, I also want to rush my career, dreams and other things. You know, if life has that option as Netflix where you can fast forward a film by ten seconds, I would have probably pushed that a couple of times until I see the closing billboard. But there is a supreme, divine reason why life’s not like that. And while we may never know, we need to keep the faith and obedience to God who designs the intricacies of his masterpiece.

I then reminded myself that,

we cannot forfeit the process if we want the promise, aka the prize.

If I wanted my master’s degree, I have to endure and get through with the required subjects and the final project. The same way if we wanted endurance and success, we have to train longer and work smarter. If we wanted the prize, we have to go through the PROCESS. No shortcuts.

It is likewise worth remembering that great things take time and forged through time. Gold is refined through fire and age-old wines have better flavor and finish. Whether it is our faith,  goals or specific skill, great things will take time. We will fall and we shall rise up until perfected.

Lastly, I ask myself, ‘why do I rush?’ Maybe because I want to be certain I’ll get ‘there.’ It can also be because I want ‘that life’ more than ‘this life.’ But hey, I said to myself, life is what happens at the moment, it is not when we get there or achieve that. Life is right here, right now.

This reminds me of a conversation with one of our long-time managers in the office. I remember I interrupted her one afternoon just to hear her story on how she started working until she reached her current position and disposition. From how I saw her story, it was like there was a hand who put things and orchestrate circumstances for her – doors closing and opening as if on cue, people calling and arriving.

Then I asked how the seemingly perfect circumstances and people affected her views in life. She said and I quote, ‘Trust. Just trust. You are always where you are supposed to be.’

And that is the assurance I need to be reminded of again. God called me ‘here’ for a mission. And instead of whining on what the future will look like, I should be rolling up my sleeves to work, here.

And when we are done with ‘here,’ another interesting chapter will surely come next.

So there,  let us not rush. God is in the details anyway. He works even it doesn’t seem so, He listens even when we think He could not hear, and He is already there wherever we are going. 💛

 

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