Before I turn 30

One day in grad school while waiting for our next professor, who by the way, took such a long time coming to class, two of my classmates and I came to the subject of my love life or the lack thereof. They were a lawyer and an accountant who seemed to have opposing views on my life. Lol. 😅

The lawyer, a father of three young, good looking children, told me that I should be out there getting a life, whatever that means. Probably he meant that I go out, meet people, go places and all the stuff that people my age chase. I doubt this formula on getting hitched, but let’s go further to the conversation.

He was kind of feeling sorry for me because he felt I have been in my shell for a loooong time. He thought I am missing so much.

Here comes, not exactly to my rescue, the accountant, a mother of three wonderful, grown teens. “She just can’t date anyone else,” she said. (haha) By this time, I am growing impatient for that professor to come. “She should of course have criteria on who to date,” the accountant further said.

“But”, she went on while turning to me, “you should not quickly judge who to date and not, from shallow reasons. Give chance to those whom you don’t feel attracted to but satisfies the criteria.”

In the end, while they seem to disagree on some things (I spared you the other details of the conversation), they agreed on one thing – ‘darating din yan.’ (The right person will come.)

I have understood the point of view of the accountant. She was right to say that singles should have a set of non-negotiable in looking for a lifetime partner. We can all agree on that, right?

However, the lawyer’s statements got me thinking. Am I really missing life?

 

Where else could I go from your love?

Where could I flee from your presence?

You are there if I ascend the heavens;

You are there if I descend to the depths.

 

Psalm 139: 7-8

I almost got convinced that I was missing so much. But I realized that no matter how tiny my shell was, granted I was in a shell, God is still God in there.

Then I was reminded of an almost-romance I had in the past while in my ‘shell.’ I smiled to myself and said, ‘God speaks to us in different ways. No matter the way, He makes sure He meets us wherever we are.’

And it’s true, wherever we are, whatever our language is, God is there, and He is teaching us what He will for us to learn. Wherever we are, whatever we do, we are assured that He works in us.

I have always believed that we are where we are supposed to be. Everything here is in order because God is sovereign, loving and wise.

 

 

Preserve your heart with all watchfulness,

for life proceeds from this.

Proverbs 4:23

 

If anyone thinks I am naïve to feelings. Here’s a story to tell.

At this time last year, I wanted something to turn out my way so badly. I wanted the circumstance to be ‘the moment’ and a person to be ‘the one.’ All because my best friend found hers and I was like, ‘hey Lord, I was next, right?’

Today, my prayers are with tears and praise saying, ‘Thank you Lord for not giving me what I wanted.’ Today also, I cringe at the thought of ending with that person. I was so focused on what I think he was made of and not the real stuff he really is. I was engrossed with my own selfish thoughts and wishes and have failed to seek or acknowledge God’s opinion and place in it.

It was ugly, but by the grace of God, it became a way for the Lord to teach me His ways. I learned how to seek God more fervently, to guard my heart and to put in place my non-negotiables. I learned to be obedient.

I saw that romance alone is not a sturdy foundation of a lasting relationship. Being made of sugar, it easily crumbles and melts. God taught me to love Him first and above all. And it is the sweetest thing ever – to open myself to the love that never fails.

I tell you, it was messy to tame the heart when it was running at a distance already. If God didn’t give me the understanding I need, I could have done something I will regret forever. (This is an exaggeration, but I want to tell, God gave me a picture of what could have happened) And so I urge all the ladies and gents out there waiting for their Boaz or Ruth, guard your hearts. Seek God first and all that we desire will soon find its way.

Waiting for the right time…

I will be turning 30 soon and I know people will be asking when will I get a boyfriend. To prevent me from saying I will get one when they come available at the grocery, I am leaving these words for them to find.

Before I turn 30, I want to assure everyone, including our lawyer above that I am living. Maybe not the way others live, maybe not the usual way of living but I am living albeit difficulties. I try to have decent sleep to make the most out of the next day. I eat healthy to live long. I grow my faith and go deep in Word. I try learning new things like playing the ukulele and improving my watercolor calligraphy skills. I listen to stories of strangers and learn from them. I read books, listen to music, watch films. I get my heart broken. I do things to honor my country. I meet new friends, sometimes.  Haha.  I flourish in my career. I devote time with people most dear. I bask in the love of God. I breathe in and out. I take one day at a time. I am living.

Before I turn 30, I want people around me to know that I am waiting for the ‘right person’ to love and that I am happy and will still be happy with or without the person. Please know that I am taking my time because this is a lifetime commitment that we are talking about and not just a pair of shoes.

Although, I don’t discount our free will and our ability to act / choose / decide for our lives, I wait on the prodding of the Lord for such life-changing decisions. I believe that marriage and raising children are vocations meant to give glory to Him.

Before I turn 30, I want you to know that I am in no rush – in love or in my career. I hold on to His promises that all things will be beautiful in His appointed time. 💛

And tadah! the time has arrived. haha!

 

 

Got a story on waiting? Share below! I’d love to know. 🌻

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Twenty Seven (Birthday Blog Part I)

Nope, this is not about the movie of a girl who had 27 different dresses for 27 weddings. My story is somehow close to hers though, only mine is maybe short of 20 dresses. This isn’t also a list of 27 things I noticed wrong about the society or the government nor a list of 27 things I love doing or places I plan going to. This is about my 27th birthday.

For my birthday, I decided to pull off something different for myself. Not the usual lunch or dinner dates with my friends and family which I have been doing since my 16th. I chose to spend my birthday with 81 other strangers in a retreat. It was a ridiculous idea, I know. I mean, who else wants to celebrate a birthday with unfamiliar people? But I didn’t care because all I came there for was to be with the Lord. And true enough, He has honored my decision with abundance.😊

At the end of the first day of the retreat, I was already telling and listening to the deepest stories to/of my fellows. We were already hugging and assuring each other that things will be fine or that God will provide. We were already laughing hard together, sharing meals, serving each other with our needs.

In the past, I believed that these kinds of things (being nice and all) happen in a retreat because people are expected and supposed to act nice and kind.

Today, I realized I was wrong. We were able to hug and love each other instantly because we all became open and vulnerable and accepting. Most importantly, it is because humans are made out of love and therefore capable of giving love, no matter what. And I realized this is something people don’t do outside the retreat, in the real world. Why? Because we are always on the look-out if others would just hurt us, cheat us, leave us, use us or ignore us, and so people (including myself) chose to play safe by not loving or loving too much.

The truth is we are all capable of loving people no matter what their looks or attitudes or shortcomings are. We just have to summon more love from the Lord. Kaya nga mayroong, Yes I love you with the love of the Lord. 😊 (Kinanta mo rin ba?)

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Fast forward to the end of the retreat (because I’m such a talker), I noticed that the servants were soaking wet with perspiration because of our worship and just jumping out of joy for us participants. (They have offered sacrifices too from leaving their day jobs to interceding for us the entire two days.) Their job must be hard, I thought. I pondered if I can give that energy in service to others on top of my work and relationships.

Then I understood that life is like that – uncomfortable because of exhaustion and perspiration and heartaches. Loving, growing, giving, dreaming and probably all else in life is uncomfortable, should be uncomfortable. When I am uncomfortable, it means I am leaving my comfort zones and exerting my best efforts, all eyes on the prize in the end.

Finally, I realized that my life’s progress depends on my willingness to cooperate with the molding of the Lord. If I wanted to grow faster than my current sluggish journey, I should be open to his pruning no matter how ugly or painful it is. Because at the end of the process, I am sure that he’s produced a masterpiece. 😊

Happy birthday to me! Cheers! 😊